A message to my younger self

When I was in eighth grade, I inherited the ride on a classmate's leased pony.

Cinnamon was boarded less than a mile from my house. 

I didn't ride her every day, but I rode her a lot.

At some point during this time, my mom told me I'd probably never get to ride this much again. I should enjoy it while it lasted.

I don't think she meant it meanly, but I was horrified.

She may as well have said, "Your life is going to be miserable and horseless. You'll never be able to afford a horse of your own. The best you can hope for is a classmate's scraps. You've peaked at fourteen."

It was a terrible thought.

Fortunately, it was also wrong. Cinnamon became a springboard to a horse staff position at a local day camp.

That led to other opportunities.

And so on...

and so forth...

for the next decade or so.

Things started changing in my late twenties. Within the space of a couple years, I met Seth, quit my horse show job and got married.

Then we moved to Colorado and had two kids. Money was tight and time was tighter. Real horses began to feel like a distant memory. I became deeply invested in the world of model horses and watched a lot of racing on tv. It was not nearly enough, but also, it was so much better than nothing.

As the kids got older, I started riding at a hobby friend's house. It wasn't an ideal situation, but it was in budget, and I really appreciated having barn time again.

I was riding there when I began this blog.

That worked for a couple years, but eventually, things went sideways. Then I was back to riding an occasional rental horse...

or driving seventy five miles each way to ride at my friend, Trisha's place.

I remember one bad night when Seth was away. I sat down and figured out exactly how long it had been since the last time I sat on a horse. More than a year. I was horrified. My mom's prediction had finally come true. The best part of my life was over. I was no longer a horse girl.

I wallowed in my sadness for a day or two. Then I decided to do something about it.

Within in two weeks, I was leasing Trillium.

I rode her until she moved to Bennett. Then it was Rev, who was followed by Mystyc, Santana, Sprite, Bob and so many others.

I am now almost halfway through my fifties, and as far as real horses go, life keeps getting better and better. In this decade I have ridden horses in three European countries...

and achieved my number one lifelong goal of horse ownership.

She's not much, but she's all mine.

If there's one thing I could say to my younger self - the one who started this blog, the one who once stayed up all night looking up old acquaintances on Facebook and crying because they all owned horses and she hadn't ridden in more than a year - it would be this: Don't worry, don't despair and mostly importantly, don't give up. It's all going to work out. It might take longer than you ever thought, but you will go on those rides, you will get that horse and all of it will be so much sweeter than you could ever imagine.