Friday, August 5, 2016

Again

When I was a sophomore in college, I dreamed that my Dad died.
This wasn't a normal dream. It was extremely, terrifyingly real, and I woke up in tears, absolutely convinced that something horrible had happened. I tried unsuccessfully to shake off my fears, but eventually, I broke down and called my parents. Long distance was expensive back then, and they were surprised to hear from me. I didn't tell them the real reason for my call. Instead, I said I was lonely and kept them talking long enough to make Dad was really okay.
He was.
Two years later, my Dad watched me graduate from college.
Six years after that, he stood with me as I married Seth.
He was there for the birth of my children...
and although it's not obvious in these pictures, he's the one who gave James his red hair.
My Dad has been there for me my entire life. I could not ask for a better father.
Two days ago, Dad was moved into hospice care. His life is coming to an end, and my heart is breaking. I wish this was another nightmare, but I know it's not. In a couple hours I am heading back to California to be there for him, as he has always been there for me.

16 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you. My Mom just got out of a week's stay in the hospital with advanced COPD issues. This is day 3 for me for round the clock carw, since we can't convince her about hoapoce, rehab or help.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, Jennifer! I am so sorry. When my mother-in-law went into hospice in June, we found it to be a real support and help. I hope you find that to be true for your family. Know also that you have many, many friends who love you and are sending thoughts, prayers, good karma, and all that to your family, especially your dad. It is a tough journey, but you are not alone. Special prayers for your mother, too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seconding Lynn. Words aren't much, but I am sending you prayers and warm hopes. Hospice can be very good. Be glad your father won't be knowing 2+ years of skilled-nursing as my m-in-law is.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So sorry for this difficult time. May you find peace in knowing that your father is in good hands, both here and in the life to come. He will be met by and reunited with many loved ones who have gone on before.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am so so sorry that you have to go through this but he is leaving you, hospice is absolutely the best. I lost both of my parents and hospice was there for me both times. Good luck and God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I cannot think there is a more sorrowful thing to grasp than that of letting a parent leave this mortal life. Hospice is compassionate, caring, supportive and dignified. I wish I could be there with you. Know that we are all here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I wonder where he got that red hair from.

    On a more serious note, I'm so sorry about your dad. Words are meaningless, I know. I was in your same position with my dad six years ago. He was only supposed to be in the facility for a couple of days so they could get some nutrition into him and help with pain management. That was a Tuesday. On Wednesday, he told my mom to tell me he'd call me on my birthday the next day. The phone rang the morning of my birthday, but it was my mom... I'm glad you'll get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get that. I know you don't know most of us personally, but please know we are here for you and we share your pain.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry, Jennifer; I know how hard this is. I'm praying for you and your family. >>HUG<<

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so sorry. It is so hard losing them. My mom was in hospice care but living at my sidter's house. She lived longer than they predicted. It's all a guessing game I guess. Dad passed 5 days before my mom (he had leukemia, but seemed to be doing ok) we were not expecting that. It is so difficult. Just know that we are here for you. There really isn't anything anyone can really say to make it any easier. I will pray for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so sorry. It is so hard losing them. My mom was in hospice care but living at my sidter's house. She lived longer than they predicted. It's all a guessing game I guess. Dad passed 5 days before my mom (he had leukemia, but seemed to be doing ok) we were not expecting that. It is so difficult. Just know that we are here for you. There really isn't anything anyone can really say to make it any easier. I will pray for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  12. So very sorry you are going through this, Jennifer. Yes, this is difficult for you, your parents and your entire family but Hospice will help in any way they can. They were truly a godsend 18 years ago when we lost my father to prostate cancer.
    Many prayers coming your way...

    ReplyDelete
  13. How fortunate you have been to have had such a loving father - one who gave you, along with every other blessing a parent can bestow, his big happy smile. Your treasured memories of that precious person will bring peace and joy shining through the sadness.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My heart is breaking for you Jennifer.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so sorry for you and your family. Make sure to never go a day without saying what you want to say to your loved ones. I lost my dad 10 years ago while he was out on the road and wish I had the chance to say a lot of things, but he was just gone. There will never be a day where you don't think of him and despite what people say it never gets easier. I think we just learn to live with it. Don't let other people tell you how you should or shouldn't feel, or when and how to grieve. There is no right or wrong way, only your way. Treasure every moment you have and keep all the good memories close to your heart.
    I'm so very sorry.....my heart breaks for you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Words are inadequate, but I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I list my dad back in 1989 and I still miss him. Take comfort that you will be with him in his finals days. My heart feels sadness for you.

    ReplyDelete