Thursday, June 4, 2020

The post not written

I love model horses as much as anyone, but there are times when I question the importance of pouring this much energy into a blog about plastic ponies. With so much going on in this country, it seems like I could - and should - make better use of my platform.
So I decided to write a post about the Rodney King, George Floyd, police brutality and the systemic injustice that divides this country. The post was part personal remembrance, part social commentary, and I worked really hard on it. I spent three days, writing and rewriting, checking and rechecking my facts and polishing every word. I wanted it to be as strong a piece as I have ever written. I got all the way to the end - just a couple sentences away from publishing - and then it poofed.
I have no idea what happened. In twelve years and more than four thousand posts, I have never experienced anything similar to this. I tried every way I knew how to recover it. When that didn't work, I tried to rewrite it. I got the first part done, but it wasn't the same. Eventually, I turned off the computer and walked away.
To distract myself, I decided to make a halter. I was still upset, so it was slow going at first. Eventually, however, I settled in to the familiar rhythm of cutting, skiving and gluing.
I decided to make a second halter, and by the time I finished that, I was mostly done mourning that post. Mostly.
This morning I woke up still determined to rewrite that post, but not right away. I had a pony to ride first.
While we were out and about, I told Mary Jo about what had happened, and in doing so, I realized that I don't actually need to write it again. 
One of my favorite quotes about writing says, "to write well is to think clearly." In writing that post, I spent three days thinking clearly about a really hard and important topic. I'm sorry no one else will ever see it, but I got what I needed.
So, I guess it's back to model horses, at least until the next time I am moved to tackle bigger issues.

7 comments:

  1. Sometimes writing is all we need - I've written several posts on hard topics which helped me get my mind wrapped around it.

    I made this post for the 99.9% white equestrian blog audience on how they might help during this time: http://suenostomanvuelo.blogspot.com/2020/06/so-you-want-to-be-ally.html

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    1. Thank you for the link and for putting that post together. It's an excellent resource, and I hope all my readers will go check it out.

      <3

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  2. I haven’t felt inspired to write (or make tack) in years. The pandemic inspired me to start making tack again.. but I quickly became frustrated I couldn’t remember how to do things I used to know so well and gave up after one night. The tragic and unsuspecting events and the resulting emotion, chaos, destruction and confusion that took place just a few blocks away, inspired me to write for the first time in who knows how many years, to help myself and others to understand the events that unfolded. Not many will see it... but maybe a few will. But you are right, it mostly was just therapeutic to me...and maybe that is good enough, for now.

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  3. Thank you for expressing thoughts I have often had; and kudos for the courage.

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  4. Sometimes writing is sharing and sometimes writing is therapy. When my family's last dog died I pulled out a journal and started writing about who she had been -- a kind of memorial. As I was doing it, it also became a memorial to the family dog who had died before her. I got it all out on paper and it was good for my soul. I have a feeling that's what the "missing post" might have done for you.

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  5. I'm glad you managed to find some clarity. Racism & violence have no place in our society. There should be no minority, only equality. If only we all had a lost post to find that clarity & realise that we all need to stick together. Treat everyone like you would like to be treated.

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  6. Sometimes I also think about why I work so hard on plastic horses as well. Thank you so much for this post it really made me reflect on my work.

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